bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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