it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
