Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
