I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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