I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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