i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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