sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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