come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
