I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
