he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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