Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
