I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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