Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
