Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
