Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
