So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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