And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
