I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
