so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
