So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
