Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
