From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize