I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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