You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
