Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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