I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
