My nipple is on Facebook.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
