goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
