Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
