Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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