This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize