I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
