So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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