he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
