Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
