I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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