i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
