You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
