Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
