can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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