i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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