I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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