The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
