how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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