Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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