I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
