I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
