This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
