Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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