Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
