I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
