Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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