god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
