I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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