I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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