3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
