My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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