My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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