I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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