i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
