Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
