the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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