OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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