I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
