I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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