Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
