this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
