Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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