OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
