Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
