just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
