You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
