Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
