how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
try to milk me bitch
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