I wanna passion pit in your ass
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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