weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just had sex bonerless
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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