Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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