They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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