OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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