you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
