so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
