I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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