I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
