That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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