I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
