What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
