Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
