Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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