remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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