Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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