Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
