I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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